Unconditional
by xFireSpritex
Summary: Mark & Roger reflect after Mimi's death.


Possible Titles: Love Heals or Not Dying from Disease

--

Mark's POV

--

Everyone thought I'd be happy when Mimi died because that meant I could have Roger all to myself again and that I could take care of him like I had when he lost April. I wasn't happy when Mimi or April died, they were my friends too and it hurt me just as much as it had hurt Collins, Maureen and Joanne to see Mimi fade away. None of us dared to compare our pain to Roger's though, none of us were that stupid. Mimi was the second lover he'd lost and we could see it was slowly killing him. However, this time Roger wasn't taking it as badly as he had when April killed herself. Not because he loved Mimi less than he'd loved April, I think he may have loved Mimi more in fact. This time however he'd seen it coming and this time he hadn't been told in a suicide note that he had AIDS. Roger, in fact, took care of everything, the funeral, the burial (we had her laid to rest next to Angel) and he even went so far as to comfort the rest of us.

I hadn't meant to eavesdrop but minutes before she left us I overheard Mimi and Roger having a conversation.

"Roger," she began. He moved closer to hear her better; I could hear his chair scrape against the floor. "I need you to do two things for me." She said. He prompted her to continue and after a few coughs she did. "Stay strong for everyone," a few more coughs, "and learn to love again after I'm gone."

Roger promised the first half but not the second. He asked who he could love after she left. I could imagine her smiling softly at him as she said, "the one person who loves you unconditionally." He sighed and promised the second part as well, saying if he ever found someone to love him he would love them back as best he could. After one last kiss between the two Roger called the rest of us back into the room.

One by one we kissed Mimi goodbye, her having known her time was near. Roger held her hand until the very end, me standing behind him with my hand on his shoulder. We all cried as we stood around the couch in the loft, Roger crying the least out of all of us. I know he had cried in the weeks leading up to that moment, I'd heard him when he thought the rest of us were sleeping.

It was sad but soon life had returned to normal. Collins was hanging around a bit longer this time before going off to some other university where I was sure he'd be expelled for teaching his Actual Reality theory but who was I to rain on his parade?

Maureen and Joanne fought as usual, Collins visited Angel and Mimi frequently, now bringing two flowers if we could afford it and Roger sat with his guitar as the days passed. And of course you never saw me without my camera but that hadn't changed since I'd gotten that piece of equipment.

Roger and I didn't go out much, which is just fine with me because it's not like we're social butterflies or anything. I know he thought about Mimi nearly every second of every day but I know he's not really thinking about her, just about her last requests. To be strong and to love. I laughed a bit at the thought. Roger was right, who could he love now?

Mimi had said he should love the one person who loves him unconditionally and I couldn't think of a single person we knew who did that. So for now it looked like Roger could only fulfill one half of his promise because God knows he was being stronger than we'd all expected.

And God knows I wanted to cry every day. A few days before Mimi left us Roger had fallen asleep and I was in the kitchen keeping an eye on both Roger and Mimi. I heard her stir and walked over to her, so she'd have someone there and wouldn't wake Roger, he needed to rest.

"Mark, I need a favor," she said.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Take care of him for me?" she asked.

"You know I will Mimi. I swear I will."

She smiled. "I swear," she began. "You two have the most amazing love for each other, loyal and true. Best friends with such love, it's unconditional." She coughed a little more and that's when Roger woke up and came to sit at her side. I smiled and kissed her forehead before going to make some tea, extra honey for Mimi.

She'd always read me so well, her and I had become closer while her and Roger dated. It seemed like it was longer than two years but sure enough it'd only been two when she left us, almost a year to the day that Angel had.

I missed them both so much but at least now they were at rest, peaceful and together where they could talk and dance forever. They always did love dancing together.

--

Roger's POV

--

I felt bad because I knew I wasn't doing what Mimi had asked. Sure I was being strong, in front of everyone else. But at night and when I was alone during the day time I cried like a fucking baby. I think Mark knew but Collins didn't, not because he didn't care but because he was constantly searching for work to get us money for AZT and for the rent.

When Mimi died Benny had offered to help pay for everything and I couldn't say no because I knew we couldn't have done it at all. So we took the money and like at Angel's funeral we all had said kind words about Mimi, me saying as much as I could without crying. Mark came close to tears, I think he and Mimi had some connection that no one knew about but you could see it in the way they greeted each other. They were almost like family it seemed.

I guess when you date someone for two years their roommate begins to feel like family though Maureen had always seemed like family; she had a way of doing that.

I thought back to when her and Mark were together and smiled. He'd been so happy then, so full of light and always smiling. I think he truly did love her at that time, but who could blame him? Maureen was beautiful and just the right amount of crazy to match Mark's order. But when they broke up his life seemed to lose a little light in it, he didn't smile as much though he tried.

It frustrated me to see him hide behind his camera so much but then again I always pulled away from everyone, they always have to force their way into my life so I can't judge Mark because he hides his emotions. I do it too. I think we all do, Mark and myself doing it the most.

He was still the same Mark, joyous when the occasion called for it and serious almost to a fault when he needed to be but we all loved him just the same. At times I didn't know what I'd do without Mark. He was always there for me, especially at times when most people would just leave someone.

Sighing I strummed a few chords on my guitar and thought back a few years ago when I was sure Mark should have left me.

"Mark let me leave!" I yelled, charging for the door once more. Mark stood in my way once again, pushing me backwards.

"No Roger! I'm not letting you go out for another fix! You have to stop!"

I tried the charming, tactful approach. "Just one more hit and I'll be fine, please Mark? What's one more going to do to me?" I asked. My body was shaking a little from the withdrawal and I wanted to get out for more.

"No." he said simply. Now my anger was back. I ran for the door and tried to get through but Mark stopped me again, pushing me back and now he was angry too.

"Fuck you Roger! I'm not letting you go out; I'm not letting you out of my sight."

"Screw you Mark!" I pushed him down and went to the door. Mark caught my ankle and pulled me down. I hit the floor and turned around, Mark jumping up to block my exit. I stood up and grabbed his shirt. He turned around to face me and without thinking I punched him twice as hard as I could once in the face and once in the stomach.

Mark doubled over and fell with a thud to the hard floor. He groaned and curled into a ball, his eyes clamped shut from the pain. I froze. I used to beat the hell out of people for laying a hand on Mark and I'd just hurt him worse than any of them had.

"Mark, I—"

"No, Roger. Don't fucking talk to me," he said, standing, holding his jaw where he was already beginning to bruise. He glared at me. "You want a fix that bad? You want to hit your friends and get high, then go ahead!" he yelled.

His eyes began to water, his anger and hurt surfacing. "Get the fuck out," he spat before turning and going into his room, slamming the door behind him.

I curled into a ball and cried the entire night; sure Mark would leave me in the moving. I was so sure he'd walk out and never come back and never care about me again. But he never left me; he stuck by me, even after I got worse with the withdrawal and even when I ignored him for weeks on end for no reason.

I needed Mark then and I still do now. Without him I'm sure I'd have gone back to the drugs and ended up dead within weeks, maybe even days. But he stuck by me and now I'm clean. I'm without Mimi but I'm clean and I'm not withdrawing from everyone so much.

I look across the room at Mark as he fixes bits of his camera and smile. He's so oblivious sometimes to how much we all care for him. My mind, however, brings me back to Mimi and I sigh. I can't keep my promise to her because no one loves me unconditionally.

--

Mark's POV

--

I hear Roger sigh and know he's thinking about Mimi. He's been beating himself up over being unable to fulfill the promises he'd made. I too sighed and thought back to what Mimi had told me.

"_I swear, you two have the most amazing love for each other, loyal and true. Best friends with such love, it's unconditional."_

Unconditional. She'd knowingly placed that title to the love Roger and I had, the love between best friends who were nearly brothers. Then she knowingly told Roger to love the one person who loved him unconditionally.

She'd meant me. Sighing I put my camera down and placed my head in my hands. Mimi always did read me too well. She knew something no one else knew. She knew that I had a secret that could ruin my friendship with Roger.

Mimi knew that I didn't just love Roger unconditionally; she knew that I was in love with Roger.

Roger had gone to the store real quick and left the apartment. Mimi came upstairs looking for him and found me on the couch writing a screenplay.

"Hey Mark, is Roger here?" she asked.

"Hi Mimi, no he's not. He ran to the store for something," I said as I scratched out another idea.

"Oh." She said coming over and sitting on the couch next to me. We sat in silence together for a while, not an awkward silence but not a comfortable one either. "Can I ask you something, Mark?"

I stopped writing and looked at her. "Of course, what is it?" I asked.

"Do you love Roger?" she asked.

I froze on the inside but didn't let it show to her. "Of course, you know Roger and I are almost brothers, he's my best friend Mimi," I said, returning to my writing.

"No, I mean really love him."

I looked up at her, nervous and shocked. Her face wasn't angry or upset, it was comforting and encouraging. "Is it obvious?" I asked.

"No. You hide it well but I see the way you're watching him sometimes, recording him a lot. You two are so close but I always got the feeling it wasn't enough for you."

I looked at the ground. "Are you going to tell him?" I asked.

"No," she said. My head snapped up to look at her. "It's not my love to tell. You love each other, maybe you have more romantic ideals than Roger but it is still love. I'm glad he has you Mark, I won't be around forever," she said.

I went to protest and she cut me off. "I know I'm going to die before him Mark. I partied too much for too long, I'm not as healthy as I could be. Last time I got lucky, it wasn't my time. But the next time I get sick I know it'll end me and I just wanted you to know that it's okay to love him Mark. There's no shame in it."

"He'd hate me," I said.

"No, he couldn't hate you Mark. Not after everything you two have been through. He loves you Mark, maybe not the way you'd like but there's always hope."

"Mimi Roger is as straight as can be, I have no hope."

"Mark, you don't love Roger because he's a man. You love him because he's Roger. That doesn't make you any different than you were when you loved Maureen. You loved her for her, not because she was a woman. I know lots of people who love for love, not for gender. Maybe one day Roger will see it that way."

I laughed as the topic of our conversation walked in. "Sure Mimi," I said.

Roger came over to the couch and kissed her quickly before going to put a few things away in the kitchen. Mimi winked at me and went to help him, leaving me alone with my screenplay once again.


End file.
